Musings on kids


8:17:59 AM Robyn: [People] told us they’re having a baby last night
8:18:19 AM Robyn: Totally threw me for a loop
8:18:33 AM Jessica: when baby due?
8:18:36 AM Robyn: march
8:18:50 AM Jessica: !!!!
8:18:52 AM Jessica: so exciting
8:18:58 AM Robyn: in my head
8:19:02 AM Robyn: that’s the “no kid” group
8:19:18 AM Robyn: and it totally caught me unaware (Mike already knew and didn’t tell me!)
8:19:29 AM Jessica: why didn’t he tell you?
8:19:36 AM Robyn: He said he thought it was a secret
8:20:17 AM Robyn: I was feeling better about our kid situation after talking to Ashleigh on Sunday and that threw me right back into “why are we waiting? why are we slow? what’s wrong with us?”
8:22:13 AM Jessica: what did Ash say?
8:22:38 AM Robyn: just like, there’s no rush, and we just got married, and finances, and we talked about their decision of when to have kids
8:28:44 AM Jessica: Finances are such a huge thing.
8:28:47 AM Jessica: It’s incredible
8:29:17 AM Robyn: I kind of relished that that was the “non-kid” group, I guess
8:29:22 AM Robyn: I feel a little like that got shattered
8:29:28 AM Robyn: not to be dramatic or anything
8:33:54 AM Jessica: no, i totally understand
8:34:37 AM Robyn: I’m just having a tough time with the kid situation right now
8:34:43 AM Robyn: I start feeling resentful
8:36:39 AM Jessica: At the risk of sounding condescending, I can imagine that it’s really hard.
8:36:57 AM Robyn: Not condescending
8:37:18 AM Jessica: We judge our own “success” by the “success” of our peers
8:37:26 AM Robyn: Hmm, true
8:37:44 AM Robyn: And I certainly don’t want to have a kid because I feel like I’m playing catchup
8:38:22 AM Robyn: I hate the resentful feeling, cuz I love babies
8:38:37 AM Robyn: but it makes me feel so detatched
8:41:58 AM Jessica: And I find it hard to talk about anything but Charlie, at least when I was on maternity leave, because he just fills up everything in my life.
8:42:23 AM Robyn: Well, that’s what’s most important to you
8:42:26 AM Robyn: which is fine
8:42:40 AM Robyn: I just feel like I’m going in circles
8:42:49 AM Robyn: there seems to be no light at the end of the tunnel
8:42:52 AM Robyn: Can’t afford daycare
8:42:56 AM Robyn: can’t afford not to work
8:43:02 AM Robyn: mike has a temp job
8:43:10 AM Robyn: I pay for the healthcare, therefore have to work
8:43:16 AM Robyn: unless he got a new job
8:46:22 AM Jessica: So the key is putting pressure on Mike to get a new job, but then you fear that you’re pushing him to do something he doesn’t want to do, which will cause problems in your marriage
8:47:12 AM Robyn: I fear putting the pressure on him to be sole provider, both because i think it seems unfair and I fear not working and being able to support myself
8:49:02 AM Jessica: I often wish that Charles would get a better job…no, not a better job, just make more money. But I’m sure he feels the same way about me.
8:49:51 AM Jessica: I could go work for a for-profit company doing marketing and probably make 60k
8:50:00 AM Jessica: but I love this job so much
8:50:02 AM Jessica: it’s rough
8:51:10 AM Robyn: definitely
8:51:33 AM Robyn: but on the other hand, i feel like it’s unfair to expect him to make more money and take care of me

Talk about real life. Sheesh.


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